I'm SO sorry I haven't written anything in a long time. I don't do this deliberately, but so much shit has happened I can't keep up. I lost my friend Jessica a few weeks ago, and I still can't get over it. We had our first snow of the season, and her car slid off a bridge into the river. I can't tell you how much this hurts. Her funeral was one of the saddest days of my entire life and it's only now that I can write about it. Cory is also in rehab again, I'm praying he actually quits drinking this time. I miss him a lot, and actually just got a call from him, but it's better that he goes through this program and I hope it helps him. I'm using my old computer again because the new one I bought isn't worth shit and I had to get rid of it. I'm trying to think of some positive things to write about. Kyle and I are still together, though long distance relationships are really difficult. That's another part of the reason I haven't written much, I went to spend some time with him. That reignites the guilt I felt for not seeing Jack when he asked me to come see him. Yes, I know it was a long way to travel and I had work more often than not, but I still feel like I should have put in the time and effort to go see him. Why would I do this for Kyle and not Jack, right? What makes one guy more worthy than the other? I know I loved Jack, but why not try to show it more? I've also been looking into spending time in Japan. I might be able to get an English teaching job over there and I feel like a change of scenery would be really good for me. I know it seems like I'm just running from my problems, and maybe I am, but part of me just wants to get away from all the bad things here. The only problem with the idea of going to Japan is my family would really miss me, Mom and Mark in particular. I haven't brought up the subject yet with my parents or siblings, because part of me is afraid to. Cassie is thinking of moving across the country after a really bad break up and Mom is totally against it. Imagine me moving across the Pacific. Ultimately, we would both be moving because of a guy.I would really miss my family, no question, but the sense of freedom I felt when even thinking about moving to Japan was amazing. Cory was saying rehab isn't terrible. but he wishes he could see us, he gets lonely. I know that would be a problem for me too if I moved to Japan. I've never really had to be totally self-sufficient though because my family's always been there for me. Maybe that wasn't always good for me though, I don't want to depend on other people for everything. I think that's it for right now. I'm going to be back tomorrow. I promise.
Today's song is " One" by Metallica
BYE!!!!!
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