Getting back on track

HEY!!!

I'm honestly going to do my best to keep this blog up to date if anyone is still interested in reading it. It's much better for me to write, I always feel better when I have the chance to sit and do this. I can talk about lighter, less serious things today. I'm of course still watching anime, and one of the best new series I've seen so far is "The Ancient Magus Bride" I really like the whole aspect of magic and the supernatural in it. I also like that there's a bit of humor in it. I also finally got to see Kuroko no Basuke Last Game", and really enjoyed it though I'm sad the series itself is over. I loved that the movie had more Atsushi Murasakibara in it, I just love him. It was also awesome seeing them all play as a team. All right, that's enough. I also know they're going to make more "Free Iwatobi Swim Club" movies, and I can't wait for that. 💓All right, enough of me fangirling. I've been practicing my Japanese a little bit, but need to make more time for that. I'm hoping I can still learn enough at least to get by if I do decide to try for a job in Japan. I really don't think Mom would understand, though. Despite the fact that she came here by herself to work when she was only 19. I have to admit everything isn't perfect with my parents still.Mom just refuses to listen to any point of view that isn't hers or aligns perfectly with hers and that makes it so much more difficult to talk to her despite the fact that I could really use her advice and insight sometimes.  There's still so much about me that I don't think my dad will ever understand, and he treats me like some helpless little princess which is never helpful. 👸 Mom also has a very "With me or against me" way of looking at things, which makes trying to reason with her impossible sometimes. This shit is part of why I want to move away though. On a lighter note, I'm so excited for Halloween 👻👻👻 I think that's all for right now. Today's song is "Vinshuka" by Dir En Grey
BYEEEE!!!!

 

Back Again

HEY!!!
I'm SO sorry I haven't written anything in a long time. I don't do this deliberately, but so much shit has happened I can't keep up. I lost my friend Jessica a few weeks ago, and I still can't get over it. We had our first snow of the season, and her car slid off a bridge into the river. I can't tell you how much this hurts. Her funeral was one of the saddest days of my entire life and it's only now that I can write about it. Cory is also in rehab again, I'm praying he actually quits drinking this time. I miss him a lot, and actually just got a call from him, but it's better that he goes through this program and I hope it helps him. I'm using my old computer again because the new one I bought isn't worth shit and I had to get rid of it. I'm trying to think of some positive things to write about. Kyle and I are still together, though long distance relationships are really difficult. That's another part of the reason I haven't written much, I went to spend some time with him. That reignites the  guilt I felt for not seeing Jack when he asked me to come see him. Yes, I know it was a long way to travel and I had work more often than not, but I still feel like I should have put in the time and effort to go see him. Why would I do this for Kyle and not Jack, right? What makes one guy more worthy than the other?  I know I loved Jack, but why not try to show it more? I've also been looking into spending time in Japan. I might be able to get an English teaching job over there and I feel like a change of scenery would be really good for me. I know it seems like I'm just running from my problems, and maybe I am, but part of me just wants to get away from all the bad things here. The only problem with the idea of going to Japan is my family would really miss me, Mom and Mark in particular. I haven't brought up the subject yet with my parents or siblings, because part of me is afraid to. Cassie is thinking of moving across the country after a really bad break up and Mom is totally against it. Imagine me moving across the Pacific. Ultimately, we would both be moving because of a guy.I would really miss my family, no question, but the sense of freedom I felt when even thinking about moving to Japan was amazing. Cory was saying rehab isn't terrible. but he wishes he could see us, he gets lonely. I know that would be a problem for me too if I moved to Japan. I've never really had to be totally self-sufficient though because my family's always been there for me. Maybe that wasn't always good for me though, I don't want to depend on other people for everything. I think that's it for right now. I'm going to be back tomorrow. I promise.
Today's song is " One" by Metallica
BYE!!!!!