Trying to heal

HEY!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm just sitting here thinking and trying to focus on the good things I have. Danny texted me the other day asking if I was going to Comic Con on the 31st, and if he and Mark might join me. Again, I said yes. I think is something I need. Like my time spent with Jack, it serves to remind me that I have people who care about me and want to be with me. I need that so much. I still miss Jon, his funeral is coming up. I'm not sure if I can bare that, to be honest with you. For once I'm almost thinking of my workload as a good thing, as it keeps me occupied so much of the time. I find it funny that Jack and my brothers have come to my rescue again, I can't tell you how much I love them and how immensely grateful I am for them. Jack said his band's music helped someone out of their depression, someone who'd been suicidal, and it makes me so happy to hear that. I've said this before, but I absolutely believe music has the power to save lives. I think that's it for now. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Prelude 12/21" by AFI
BYE!!

Sad day

Good morning, everyone. Do you remember my friend, Jon? The one with cancer? He died last night. He was in another state for treatment so a lot of his friends didn't get to say goodbye to him. At least his family was with him at the end. He was only 28 fucking years old, this seems so unfair and it makes me so sad. It's so weird to think that someone I'd known the better part of my life is gone. I can't even imagine what his family is going through right now. I miss him, he was always smiling and trying to make other people laugh. I really wish I could have said goodbye. The only good thing about this is he isn't in pain anymore, but it still seems so wrong to know he's dead. I still remember him being this silly, grinning blond kid when I met him. God, it's really tough to talk about him without crying. Fuck it, I'm crying like a baby.   I think the last thing I'm going to say about him is goodbye my friend, I love and miss you.

Today's song is "Funeral for yesterday" by Kittie
Bye

So tired

HEY!!!
Good morning, everyone. This has to have been one of the busiest, craziest weeks of my life. Jack asked if I'd like to a show with him, Megan, Mike, and Tori. It's going to be so cool to be at a show with him that he won't have to play. Obviously, I said I'd go. ^_~ I didn't expect  this to come up, but I'm so glad it did. I kind of felt that we needed to do something together, and this is a perfect choice. I think he also felt how stressed out I've been, and wants to help. I've been working so much and it feels nice to have something other than work to look forward to. Mom is safely in Austria and called me this morning, it was awesome. I'm kind of wanting to go on another vacation, but don't have the money right now.  I haven't gotten around to planning or deciding anything yet as far as vacations go, but I'll figure it out in time. I think that's it for right now, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "I don't love you" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!

 

New year ^_^

HEY!!!
Good morning and happy new year, everyone. I had an amazing Christmas and a great New Year's Day. New Year's Day was a lot more chill than Christmas, but both were incredibly fun and awesome. I'm starting to feel better, but this cold is not gone yet. I think I've been pushing myself a little too hard again and it's just finally catching up with me. Jack invited me to another show in a couple of weeks, and I'm not sure I'll be able to go. My friend Jerid also invited me to a few parties, and I seriously doubt I'll have time for either. I feel horrible telling either of them no since they're some of the nicest, most incredible men I know. But again, my job and family have to take priority over fun. I still kind of hate myself for bailing on these guys again, though. I feel like I should have learned some secret to making all this shit work by now and I'm just stupid because I have no idea what to do half the time. I love all these people, and have very little time to ever really spend with them. Mark said something about how sorry he is that he always hangs around me and how much I get roped into helping our mom. I don't mind, in fact I love hanging out with Mark, I just wish I had more time to do everything I want and need to do. I had another argument with my dad, again about why I'm not married. I swear to God I'm done talking to him about this. He said he doesn't want to me to be lonely, but I think he just can't give up the notion that I'm "supposed" to be married by this age. I'm seriously not sure I'm ever going to get married and he's going to have to learn to live with it. I hate the idea of him acting like he has any right to tell me how to live, too. Mom doesn't do that and she actually does have that right because she's always fucking been here for me. Like I said before, I love my mom endlessly, no matter how we might disagree or how much she might annoy me sometimes. I also hate that Dad made fun of Jack, the one guy I'd really like to be with. I don't think he'd really approve of any guy I dated, let alone Jack. Yet, Jack knows and understands me better than Dad. I need to clam down. Mom is leaving for Austria tomorrow morning, and seems really excited. I think she needs a break and to spend time with her mom and sister. I can't imagine how much she must miss them sometimes. I think that's it for right now, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Torch Song" by AFI
BYE!!!!!!

 

Cold...

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm home sick, it's just a cold but I don't want it to get worse. I felt fine yesterday, I don't understand. Mom is leaving for Austria in a week, and I'll be watching her house while she's gone. I really don't want any more responsibility, but I couldn't say no. She wants to go see my grandma who isn't very healthy, and I understand. Part of me wishes I could go too, but I'll be fine where I am. I'm sure all my little cousins are upset I'm not coming, they got very close to Cassie and I. Cassie wants me to help her book some plane tickets for her and her boyfriend, which I really don't want to do either. I got a friend request on Facebook from this random guy, and this is not the first time. I didn't like the message he sent me so I declined his request, I just wish things like this wouldn't happen.  I think that's it for today, I just wanted to write for a little bit.
Today's song is "Dig up her bones" by The Misfits
BYE!!!!!!

Christmas craziness

HEY!!!
Good morning, everyone. I had an amazing Christmas, all the effort time I put into getting ready for it paid off. I can't tell you how nice it was to hug my entire family and tell them how much I need and love them. I don't think we spend enough time together, and that needs to change. I feel bad that I didn't invite my dad over for Christmas, but he and Mom, Cassie, and Mark don't get along and I really wanted them here. I think he has a very different image of me that isn't who I am at all. I can be myself with the rest of my family; they know, love, and accept the real me.  I'm still getting used to having him back in my life, and he doesn't always make it easy to accept him. It isn't that I don't love him and that he doesn't have good qualities, he just expects me to let him into my life entirely and I don't think I'm ready to do that yet. He wants to meet my friends and shit and I hardly have time to see them, you know? I'm going to switch subjects now. Jack and the guys have been working on new songs, starting to record demos, and it's so cool. He seems excited about the music but sad that it takes him away from his family and friends. This is something he struggles with often, it seems to bother him deeply. He didn't spend Christmas with his family again and I know he hated that. Jon's family and friends are having a benefit concert for him next week, and I'm going to go. I want so much for him to get better, but I don't know if it's really possible. I think that's it for now. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson
BYE!!!!!!

SO sorry

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get back here again. My laptop is having trouble again and I had to have it fixed. I had a great Thanksgiving, and talked to Jack for a little bit about how similar our respective days were. We both got to our moms' houses early and ended up playing games with our families for hours. I went to another of his shows last night and had such a good time. I'm still so happy he's inviting me at all after all this time and all the shit we've been through together. He said they're working and some more songs and are very close to being finished with them. I can't believe I've known him for almost 5 years now, it doesn't seem that long. I got some horrible news about my friend Jon though, he has a very rare form of cancer and it doesn't seem like he's not going to live much longer. I can't tell you how sad this makes me, I've known this guy since I was 12 and he's dying. I can't really do anything for him either, which just makes things worse. I keep hoping maybe something will happen and he'll beat the cancer after all, but it doesn't seem very likely. I need to switch subjects now before I start crying. I'm very close to being ready for Christmas, I've got my tree ready and a shitload of presents. I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Thank you for the venom" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!