Merry Christmas (Eve)

HEY!!! 

It's been kind of a crazy week, but most of it has been good. I got more time off and got to hang out with Angela and Jessica again. It's amazing how much I missed them, and the simple joy of having nothing to do but drink coffee and talk with friends. I got another compliment on a picture I posted on Instagram of my Christmas makeup from my blue haired fanboy. I don't know, he seems really sweet but I have so little faith left in men at this point I'm afraid to talk with him because he can't be as perfect as he seems. I'm going to be bitter over what happened with Jack for a while. I can't wait to go back to Japan, I'd just as soon not  come back at this point. I've started talking to my dad again, I don't want to be angry at him anymore. It truly feels like he gives me little choice in that sometimes, though, and what he said really hurt me. I think we're going to have to postpone Christmas for a while, though because it's been dumping snow on us since yesterday and the roads are super shitty. I was truly looking forward to spending time with my family. I was so happy when Cassie called me for gift recommendations for Mom, Cory, Danny,  and Mark. I can't help but be happy when she wants to know what I think. I was also a bit surprised to hear my dad explain what anime is, I didn't think he'd really listened when I told him about it. I think that's it for now. 

Today's song is "Uroko" by Dir En Grey

BYE!!!

New anime, feeling tired, and this guy

HEY!!!!!!!!!!

It feels nice to be back here again. I talked a little more with my blue haired Instagram fanboy, and he seems like a really sweet guy. He and I bonded a little over our love of "Yuri!! On Ice" and he thought it was funny that I'd just gotten into it. Honestly, it felt like I was the only one in the world not watching this fucking show. It has one of my favorite openings in a long time, too. I adore the characters, I wanted to cry for Yuri in the beginning.Obviously, I'm going to be bringing so much "Yuri!! On Ice" shit home from Japan. Cassie already expects me to go anime crazy, I'm sure. I'm feeling so tired, but there's no real reason for it besides the fact that my life is stupid stressful. I think that's about it for now.
Today's song is "Akatsuki" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!   

Feeling better today, and dyeing my hair blue..finally

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm feeling better today. I have to admit seeing that guy sitting outside my building scared the shit out of me. I'm going to be dyeing my hair blue, at least in streaks, today. I've been waiting so long to do this, and can't wait. I've recently joined Instagram and I was approached by a guy who looks like that, or maybe a little bit like Aoba from "Dramatical Murder" and couldn't help but giggle at how much this guy looks like an anime character. I was nice, but not too friendly since that seems to be very easy to misconstrue. I was flattered, but not even close to being ready to think of talking to another guy as anything but a friend. I miss Jack so much still. I need to quit talking about him, though.  I put my Christmas tree up and decorated it. That was nice for a few hours of distraction, I suppose, but it didn't take my mind off Jack for nearly long enough. I hate that I miss him like this and can't do anything about it. I think that's about it for now.
Today's song is "Aurelia" by AFI
BYE!!!!!

Loneliness, new music, and a creepy occurrence

HEY!! 😘
I'm really freaked out right now, that's a guy who looks a lot like Trevor sitting outside my building. I wish Jack were still close enough to me for me to call him, because I'm afraid. I'm going to call Mike and Danny if this guy doesn't leave.  I miss Jack so much it physically hurts me. I feel so alone without him here. I know what my parents thought of him, but he still touched my heart in a way no one really has.  I have to wonder if my dad would have said nicer things about him if he knew my feelings for him. I'm also really excited for AFI's new album, it comes out in a little over a month.😍  God, I wish that guy would leave!! I beat "Pokemon Moon"  a few days ago and have since gotten into "One Piece Romance Dawn" and "Kingdom Hearts Unchained". Thank God!! That guy finally fucking left.   I need to calm down. I think that's about it for now.
Today's song is "Uroko" by Dir En Grey
BYE!! !!!!

Sister day, and getting sick again

HEY!!!!
I'm going to spend the day with Cassie today, and need to finish getting ready but really feel like writing too. I got a really bad cold from Cory on Thanksgiving, but over all it was still a great day. I don't feel so sick anymore and for the first time in weeks I feel like going out. That isn't to say I don't still love and miss Jack, I just have to learn to accept that we had our chance and I blew it. Anna, his fiancee, is probably better for him than I could ever be. I miss him but it's going to bet better. I can't believe a sweet, gorgeous, kind, funny, and lovable man like him would ever give me the time of day. I hate that we can't be together, but I want him to be happy. I want myself to be happy, too, and think letting him go would be for the best. I still haven't spoken to my dad since we had our fight over my not being married. I still refuse to be with a man that I don't really love just to say I have a boyfriend or husband.

 I have to believe I'm going to find a guy who makes me as happy as Jack did, but I don't know when or where. I think that's about it for today. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Akatsuki" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!!!!

Working and fun distractions

 HEY!!!!
This has been a really rough week. I SO wish I didn't have to go back to work tomorrow. I got in a huge fight with my dad once again over why I'm not married, and we haven't spoken since. I;m also so glad I didn't tell him anything about Jack. He's mad also that I'm going to Japan again and he thinks it's a waste of time; that I should stay around here and try to find a man. I don't know his fucking obsession is with me getting married, and I'm so tired of it. If he had any idea how Jack just ripped my heart out and stomped on it he'd keep his mouth shut. I need to move on, though. I've been playing "Pokemon Moon" and watching a shitload of "Kuroko no Basket" in my time off, and it's relaxing and a great escape from the everyday bullshit of my life. I love Atsushi Murasakibara, the tall guy with the purple hair, he makes me laugh simply because some of the shit he says and does is so random. I'm planning on getting more KnB things in March when Cassie and I go to Japan. I'm going to really fucking need that break, believe me. I also truly love "Pokemon Moon", but at the rate I've been playing it I'm going to beat it in a few more days. I think that's really about it for right now, thank you for letting me vent and I hope your week has been better than mine.
Today's song is " Saku" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!!

Putting myself back together

HEY!!
I'm sorry for not being here lately, but my life has become an even bigger mess than I thought possible. Jack and his girlfriend are engaged and my heart is broken. It seriously hurts me to say those words. I realize that I pushed him away but it hurts like hell to say those words. I'm somehow torn between wanting him to be happy and misery because he's happier with someone else. This is a problem with me though; I have a fear of losing myself in other people and things so I never let myself get too involved or too close. It isn't that I don't want to be, I just can't let go. I'd happily be his wife, you know?  I absolutely hate the knowledge that I brought this on myself. Mom is being typically awesome and is taking me to an Egyptian exhibit at our local museum on Wednesday, I NEED a day off. Cassie and I are going to Japan in March and I can't wait. I think we're going to be trading heart break stories a lot of the time, but don't want our trip to be super depressing . It's supposed to be fun, God damn it. I think that's about it for now.
Today's song is "Sad but true" by Metallica
BYE!!!