Still sick..and it's snowing

HEY!!!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm still not feeling well, but I'm not feeling much worse either, so I guess I should be grateful. Staying in and watching anime on Thursday was relaxing and just a nice break from the usual craziness that is my life. Jack's band leaves for their tour in about 3 weeks, and I won't see him or Mike for at least a month and a half. >_> I hate this so much, and I can't tell them not to go. God damn it, I really want to see them before they leave at least. I can't really be around people when I'm sick though, because I don't want them to get sick. I did go in to work for a little while and shopping afterwards, but decided to come home fairly quickly. I think another of the old guys I take care of and another guy at my favorite record store have developed little crushes on me. Why not Jack, seriously? What do I do to get these other guys to like me but not the guy I want? I still don't understand, after almost 4 years of knowing Jack. Despite the fact that he and I understand each other in all kinds of crazy ways and get along really well, he goes for some other girl who treats him like shit most of the time. >_> What the hell, Jack? I think that's really it for today. Thank you so much for reading, love you guys.
Today's song is "Knives and Pens" by Black Veil Brides
BYE!!!!!!!!!

Sick again..this sucks

HEY!!!!!!
Hi guys, and good morning. I'm home sick again, though I'll probably have to drag my ass into work for at least a while tomorrow. Danny's birthday party went surprisingly well, Cory told Cassie it wouldn't be appropriate to bring her boyfriend, so I didn't have to. I owe him for that, because I really didn't want to have to be the one to say it. She took it much better from him than she would have from me, believe me. I was complaining a little bit about being sick, and Mike said "If you need anything, I'll be right there. You just have to ask. You've been a really good friend to me and Jack, and it seems like the least I can do for you in return." Aww, right? I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing friend. I love this guy!!

 It's really too bad they're leaving on tour again in a little while. I'm going to miss him and Jack so much while they're gone, I always do. My aunt might be coming over from Austria next year, it's so awesome. I really hope she comes over. I wonder sometimes what I did to deserve all of these great people in my life. I've been thinking a lot about what to do in Tokyo, there's so much to cram into five or six days. It's really too bad that's the maximum I can afford to stay there. I think mostly I'm going to do nerdy anime shit that no one else wants to do with me, but I'm dying to do. I'm probably going to stay in bed most of the day and watch some anime I've been meaning to watch but haven't had time for today. I've been re-watching the Nana anime, it's still awesome. I think Nana Osaki is my favorite, Hachi can be annoying sometimes, though I also understand her feelings at times. It's still one of my favorite anime, even though it isn't new. I should probably

check if there any good new anime coming out. I love that Jaime loves Nana too, even though it's technically a "girls'" manga. I'm so glad I met him, it's always nice to have someone who shares your interests and doesn't make you feel weird about being into whatever you're into. I think that's about it for now, my little anime marathon is about to begin. ^_^ Thank you so much for reading, guys. Love you.




Today's song is" 17 Crimes" by AFI
BYE!!!!!!!

God damn it....

HEY!!!!!!!
Cassie asked if it's okay to bring her boyfriend along to Danny's birthday party, and I don't know what to do. The decision has basically come down to me, and I hate that I've once again been forced into the middle of something I wanted no part of in the first place. I talked to Mark and Danny, and they both seem to think it's a bad idea. I love those two more than I can say, I swear to God no one understands me as well as those two guys. I really don't want him to come along, since Cassie is the only one who knows him and this is supposed to be a strictly family thing. This would be kind of like me bringing Jack to Danny's birthday party. I wouldn't do that unless I were engaged to the fucking guy or something, I just think it's going to be really uncomfortable and the entire time he's going to be sitting there and judging us. What really sucks is that Mom doesn't seem to understand my objections to Cassie's boyfriend coming along. >_> How can she not get this? All right, I'm just going to tell Cassie I don't want her boyfriend there. I don't care if she's mad at me, I just am sick and tired of being placed in the middle all the time. Mike's grandma's funeral is going to be on Monday, poor guy. He said at least she got to live a long and happy life, which is really all anyone can ask for. She was 100 years old, so that in itself is pretty amazing. I miss Mike and Jack. I still really wish Jack reciprocated my feelings, you know? We'd be so cute together.

  I don't know why I keep reopening this old wound, it's so stupid to keep harping on this subject when I know it changes nothing. I hate that so much, even though I know there's nothing I can do. I'm still angry that I've been forced to make this decision, because if I say no, which I'm going to, it makes me look like a bitch. Why should I care about Cassie's feelings though, when she so rarely thinks of mine? Because I'm supposed to be a better person than that, right? Why do I always have to give in or give up when everyone else gets to do and say exactly what they want? I think that's about all for today, I don't think I'm going to write tomorrow. Danny's birthday party is tomorrow, and I'm going to be there for him if no one else. Thank you so much for reading, love you guys.
Today's song is "People=shit" by Slipknot
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack ^_^

HEY!!!!
I finally found Danny a birthday present, and I really hope he likes it. I had another very weird conversation with Jack last night, he said two things that I was thinking without my having to say a word to him about it, again. I know this isn't a huge deal, but it means something to me. He was also putting himself down like I do all the time, using the same words I would use. It's kind of weird that he knows me this well already, I only usually have that kind of connection with people I've known most of my life. It just makes me happy knowing that we have this much in common. Cory seems to be doing a lot better, and I hope that isn't just for show. I love him and just really want to see him happy. I planned Danny's birthday party too, and now I'm working on Thanksgiving. God damn it, I still don't see how this always becomes my job. I started watching the "Fairy Tail" anime, and dig it so far. Too bad it's been cancelled. I dig Grey, so cute. It's pretty much official that I'm going to Tokyo alone, Mark was thinking of going along, but decided he didn't want to. At least I know now what to plan for, I can more or less just do whatever I want for five or six days. I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Vampires will never hurt you" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!

 

I'm cool? Seriously?

HEY!!!!
I'm back again. I just had an interesting conversation with Cassie. She said a friend of hers really wants to be friends with me, but is a little intimidated because she doesn't think I'd want her to hang out with me. It seems she's decided she wants to be goth and wants to learn the finer points of it from me. I said it can't really be taught, it's something you just are. I've been like this since middle school, and have just kept it up into adulthood. Cassie told me her friend said I was one of the coolest girls ever.  Why am I cool all of a fucking sudden? I don't understand. I'd understand someone thinking Jack was cool, because he is, but not me.

I'm sorry, I just don't get it. Since when is it cool to be a gothy, nerdy, anime fan who's spent half her life reading and listening to music? I have to wonder what's changed, because I'm still the same girl I've always been. I can quote "The Hobbit" just as easily as I could The Misfits or The Cure, I'm both a goth and a huge nerd. When did that become cool? I think that's for now. Today's song is "Cage" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!!!

Planning blah blah blah

HEY!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm still not sure what to get Danny for his birthday, and I'm not coming up with any good ideas. Cassie wants me to help her plan more of what we're going to do for Christmas and Thanksgiving. How does this turn into my job every year? I helped Mom decorate her house for Halloween and it seems one of my favorite decorations scared a kid who came trick or treating. I just don't like that I always seem to get roped into planning all of our holidays. Mom says I have a gift for it, but I think sometimes that everyone just wants me to do their work for them, and then can blame me if something goes wrong. >_> I miss Jack.

I know I just saw him, but I miss him. He actually had a pumpkin he carved at his Halloween party, and it looked so cool. I'm sure he used a stencil or something, but it turned out so well. I always get a little overwhelmed this time of year, Halloween, Danny's birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all happen fairly close together and I'm expected to plan most if not all of it for my entire family.  I've been thinking more about Tokyo, too. I want to go to the Ghibli Museum the Tokyo Anime Center, and J-World; my inner otaku will not be satisfied unless I do, lol. I'm also going to Tokyo Tower, and the Imperial Palace. There's so much shit to see and so little time I've been trying to be very selective and pick the best things I possibly can in Tokyo. I think that's it for now, thank you for reading.
Today's song is "Thank you for the venom" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!!!

November first, what a let down

HEY!!!!!!
I know I've said this before, but November first is a huge let down to me all the time. Halloween/ Samhain is always so much more fun. I had an amazing time last night, despite Jack's girlfriend. First of all, she totally hates me, and knows that I'm in love with her boyfriend, so I guess she has a good reason to hate me. I don't know why she gets so possessive if she's thinking of leaving him. To be fair, I loved him first; I just never had the guts to say it. I got the day off, my first three day weekend in a long time. I think I'm going to bake some cupcakes in a little while. Baking, writing, and music are all very cathartic to me.

Danny's birthday is coming up soon, and I have no idea to get him. I need to go shopping, I'll figure something out if I look long enough. I just want to get him something he's going to really like, you know? I hope I choose well. I was talking to Cassie, and she said she might not graduate as early as she thought, not until next December most likely. She seemed a little disappointed, but said it was worth it to continue with this class she's taking and enjoying. Cory said he's going back to church this Sunday, it seems to have helped him and I'm not going to argue with anything that helps him. I hope he's going to be all right. He seems a little bit more like his old self again, but I think he's still depressed deep down. I just want him to be healthy and happy. I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Where we used to play" by AFI
BYE!!!!