I'm here again, if only to keep out of the sun. I don't know that I really have anything worth saying today, I just don't feel like doing anything else at the moment. This is just one of those "give me music, give me coffee, and get out of my way" days, and I think I'll let it be until I actually feel like being more outgoing. I haven't really done anything interesting lately, but I often find my little routines comforting, so I'm content with that. I guess that's all, I just thought I'd do quick update on this blog, and that's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, sweet broken headphones

Hey!!!
Normally I'd be pissed at having to buy new headphones but it turns out I had to take something back to the store my crush works at to pay for them, and I got the chance to chat him up for a bit again, which wouldn't have happened otherwise, so I'm grateful. I turns out we went to the same school, but a few years apart, I'm a few years older than he is. He got beaten up though, which didn't happen to me, so I guess I didn't have it all that bad. I'd kind of suspected he was a little younger though, he just confirmed it today when we were chatting. Could it be I was scarier than he was? Maybe, but I find that kind of funny because I don't think I'm scary in the least. Every time I talk to him I learn a little more about him, but I got the feeling he didn't entirely want to talk, but he couldn't just totally ignore me. A few friends of mine work there too, and I think he probably would've rather had one of them help me out if he could manage it. I don't know, it's always kind of hot and cold with us, and it frustrates me to no end. This all feels very junior high, and I hate it. In a way, a good, solid answer one way or the other would be best, either to make me absolutely ecstatic or devestated so long as I finally know, I almost don't care. This doesn't get easier, and it seems I haven't gotten any better at it, either. I guess that's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, here I am again

Those pictures are there to put a smile on my face. Trust me, if these guys and their music can't put a smile on my face, something is MAJORLY wrong. It's working, so I guess it can't be all that bad. ^_~ I got a call from my dad yesterday, after about 7 months of no contact at all. He kept going on about how much he misses me, and that he tries to write, but it upsets him to think about how far he is away from me. I'm just not sure how much of that is the truth, and I'll probably forever be ambivalent towards him. He wrote me a Christmas card, I wrote a letter, then nothing until last night. I just don't understand him, I don't hate him per se, I'm just not really sure how he expects me to react. I've built this whole little life that I have more or less without him, I don't really need anyone to guide me or anything anymore, and he knows it. I was the girl who in 7th grade already didn't really need any help anymore, the last time he offered, and I said I didn't need it. I don't even know him all that well, honestly, he hasn't exactly been a day to day presence in my life. Sadly, I know full well I'm not the type to just cut someone out, no matter how much I feel they deserve it some days. I think he's just getting older and lonely, and wants his kids around, which I understand. But why now all of a sudden? This is a dilemma I've been trying to deal with as well as I know how to for years, and I'm no closer to finding a solution that works. The way I know I can't cut him out is I got a lump in my throat when he said "Goodbye, Honey, I love you" before hanging up. He sounded like he was about to cry, and I couldn't just say "Leave me alone, you didn't care about me before." or something. I'm not heartless, even though it seems like it would be a benefit sometimes. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

BYE!!!!!!!!!

I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!

This is going to sound so totally pathetic, but I don't care. I got to see that guy I like again, and
I just can't stop smiling, especially because I finally got him to smile at me. He is SO cute, funny, and awesome. It took me about half an hour to regain my composure after talking to him for maybe 10 minutes. I'm listening to AFI again, of course. I told you I have a heard time going without their music for a day, right? I think I have something of an addictive personality, once I decide I like someone or something, it's really hard to get me to change my mind. There's (hopefully) nothing wrong with that, at least it hasn't become a serious problem. I was fairly dancing out the door of the store and down the sidewalk after talking to that guy this morning, and I DON'T dance, where anyone can see me. I'm a complete and absolute spaz and klutz, so that's why I don't dance in front of anyone. I'm just praying I kept the dumb smile off my face until I was out of his sight, if not I think I totally blew it right there. I guess this is really all I have to talk about right now, I'm still kind of smiling. I really should go now.

BYE!!!!!!!

I'm sorry for not keeping this up better, I try but things tend to get in the way, i.e. all the errands I have to do, and my taking time to actually do things that I want to do. I'm kind of tired right now, the coffee's already wearing off, and I drank it maybe an hour and a half ago. One of the things I always take time out to do is listen to music, I'm listening to AFI's "On the arrow" right now, absolutely beautiful and brilliant. My sister asked me what my favorite band was while we were in Japan, I told her AFI, and she laughed. She has some of their songs on her ipod, she borrowed the CD from ME for God's sake, and then she laughs at me for loving them. I think it's sad how two-faced she can be, and fickle. Okay, I'm going to start getting really defensive if I don't quit. I don't have a lot of time left to write, so I guess that's it.

BYE!!!!!!!

Post from the U.S.

Okay, I'm back home and the jet lag wasn't quite as bad as I was expecting. After a couple of days, I totally felt like myself again, and I'm really glad. I have to say that I'd go to Japan again in a heartbeat, assuming I could afford it. I can't say so much that I miss the crowds and craziness of Tokyo, but I loved Kyoto and Osaka quite a bit. The worst for me was going through Shibuya on a Saturday afternoon. Let me tell you, you have not seen crazy until you've seen that. Remember all that stuff I said about my freaking out if there are a lot of people on the bus or in the grocery store? Yeah, that's totally still true. But then imagine me in a train for 30 minutes with I don't even know how many other people, and in a store, again with I don't know how many other people. I never had a panic attack per se, but pretty close. I think the best part for me was Kiyomizu temple, it was so beautiful. I had some misgivings about going, because I knew it would be really crowded, but it worked out pretty well, despite the crowds. Let me tell you, I gave my camera quite the workout on this trip, I just hope all the pictures captured the beauty of everything that we saw. I don't honestly know if my words can, so it almost seems pointless to try. I was also so glad that all the people we talked to (the people at the hotels especially) were almost too nice to be for real, it was amazing how helpful, honest, and hard working they were. I felt a little out of place there, it was just so obvious that I didn't entirely fit in there. I don't know if it was the English coming from my mouth, green eyes, naturally brown hair, or super white skin that tipped them off. ^_~ The funny thing is, they didn't make me feel bad, though, my sister did. She gets motion sick really easily, so whenever we even rode the subway, she'd get sick, then her temper reared its ugly head, and I had to deal with it. She seemed kind of mad that I couldn't speak fluent Japanese, too. In less than 2 months, how much could she have really expected me to learn? I knew enough to ask where things were, and how to get there, and enough to order whatever food we needed, and to deal with salespeople. What more did she really want from me? Okay, enough about that. Over all, it was still fantastic. Thanks for reading.

BYE!!!!!!!!!!

Quick post from Japan!!!!!!!

HEY!!!!!
I know it's been a while, sorry. I'm ready to leave now, but my sister still needs a little time to get ready, so here I am. I can't belive it's time to leave already, this whole trip seemed to go by so fast. I've loved pretty much every nano-second of it, though. This has for sure been one of the best experiences of my life, and I'm really glad I got to do this. I'll write about it more in depth once I've goten home, but I just wanted to say that I love Japan even more now than I did when we got here. I DO miss my family, friends, and i pod a lot though, I told it would be hard without the i pod, and it should have gone without saying that I'd miss my family and friends. I'm looking forward to getting back to my little life, though. I miss some of the mundane things that I guess I took for granted before this trip, but I won't do that anymore. I'd better go, and I'll give a really long, exhaustive, report once I've gotten home and the jet lag has eased a little.
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!