Crazy...

HEY!!!!!!
I had such a good time talking with Jack yesterday, it was awesome. I was lucky to catch him when he needed a break so he was more than happy to chat. ^_^ ^_^  He told about another amazing new band he just found out about himself. We're even still having our little song quote war. ^_^^_^ I went to bed so fucking happy, and then this morning everything went to hell. I got a call from my boss saying I might be getting yet another new client, and a call from my mom chewing me out for hanging out with guys like Jack. I really shouldn't care what she thinks of him, but it got to me the way she talked about him. It wasn't just Jack specifically, it was all the band guys I'm friends with. She doesn't think it's proper, and doesn't think they're proper friends for me. >_> I swear to God, I'm not going to fucking have this argument with her again. I wish I'd handled it better, but I'm so stressed out at the moment that I just snapped at her. I'm going to have to apologize to her eventually for snapping at her, but I won't apologize for who my friends are. I have to get to work, but I really wanted to vent about this. Thanks, love you guys.
Today's song is "Kasumi" by Dir En Grey

BYE!!!!!!!

Feeling a bit desperate....

HEY!!!!
I'm feeling a little lonely and desperate this morning, guys. I miss Jack like mad but don't want to go bothering him. Mark is more than happy to come over of course, and I'm grateful for it, but still miss the shit out of Jack. I LOVE HIM!!!!! I've listened to a couple of his band's songs this morning and I'm not surprised they've done as well as they have, they're amazing. I should not have been so chicken shit with him, I ruined my slim chance of being his girlfriend by being too passive and afraid. I also just got assigned a new client, my boss called me up yesterday and asked if there were any way I could fit another client into my schedule. I fought the urge to tell her"Sure, I'll just cut my family and friends out completely, they don't already hate me for being gone so much." She said it wouldn't be a really difficult job and I'd be taking care of a really nice lady, so I relented and agreed to do it. I'm a fucking idiot for taking even more on when I already feel I'm having trouble coping with what's already on my plate. I think I'm just going to text Jack to talk to him, this is bullshit. I'm so tired of not having time for the people I want to be with and the things I want to do. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading, I love you guys.
Today's song is "A devil for me" by Black Veil Brides"

BYE!!!!!!!

SO BUSY

HEY!!!

Good morning, guys. I feel like I'm up a little early for a Saturday, and I don't like it. I got a call from Cassie yesterday, and she was totally nice and seemed really happy to talk to me. I don't get it. She even said she loved me. So what the fuck was all this other shit, then? I swear to God, I don't understand my own sister. She just wanted to chat she said, and figure out what we're going to do in London. I was glad she waited until I was done with work, but just barely. I'm glad we were able to have a nice little chat, but I don't understand why we couldn't just chat and enjoy each others' company in the first place. I miss the days when things were simpler between us. I also miss Jack and Mike, I haven't heard from either of them in a while and it sucks ass. Most likely they just got caught up in practicing and writing their next album. They're nothing if not dedicated to what they do, believe me. Makes me wonder if I'd be as dedicated to writing if I were a professional writer. I miss Jack's smile and laugh so much. I can't believe it's been almost 3 years since I met him. I know my parents already hate him, if only because they know I like him. I also think it's funny that Mark doesn't trust him with me, despite the fact that I started our relationship. I love that his friends sought me out because of things he said to them about me and have become my friends now, too. I don't know if I could make Mark and my parents understand that though. I'm hoping if it comes to that, they'll at least hear me out. I've been really busy still trying to juggle work, friends, family, and (of course) Jack, while trying to plan everytrhing out for our trip. I don't know why Mom couldn't do this herself, she insists I'm better at it. Part of me thinks I should just take the fact that she actually admitted I'm better at something than she is and run with it, the other is really annoyed at having to do extra work when all I fucking do is work. I'm starting to panic a little, we leave in 2 months and it doesn't feel like I've got nearly enough done. This is the fucking Japan trip all over again. God damn it. I really should be figuring shit out right now instead of writing, but I need the break. I'm sure it'll work out in the end, but it gets so stressful. I'm happy that I get to go anywhere that isn't work to be honest with you. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks again for letting me vent and bitch for a while.
Today's song is "Sober" by Tool

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post during the week..wow

HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, guys. I got up super early this morning and I'm ready to go to work, despite the fact that I don't have to be there yet. I got to talk to Cassie a little bit again, but she said something that kind of hurt my feelings. She said she didn't really ever think she'd miss me, so she must be really homesick. I miss her, and told her I love her twice, and she says this now. What did I do? I can't imagine what I did to her, I don't know what's wrong with our relationship. I wish we could work out whatever this is this time, I hope we can. It just bugs me when my own sister treats my like this. Like I said, I think I understand Jack better than Cassie sometimes. I'm planning more shit for our trip, London is going to be fucking awesome. I can't wait to go. I can't believe it's only a little over two months until we leave. I guess I'd better go now. Thanks for reading.

Today's song is "The ghost of you" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!!!

Fighting over Facebook

HEY!!!!!!!!
I'm feeling a little sluggish this morning and not very ready to get up and out of the house. I don't think it helps that I've been harangued yet again by Mom and Mark for not spending time with them enough. I'm sure the reproach from Jack will come soon enough if I don't come to his next show. Luckily, I don't think that's until next month. Again, I have more than enough room in my heart for all of them, but fitting them into my schedule is a bitch. Dad called again, and succeeded this time in worming his way back into my life. I told him he could stay for a little while before we leave, but then he's got to go home. I feel like I need to keep some distance between him and myself, for my own good. I'm really trying, but it's so difficult to forgive him. I also don't really feel like I can trust him. I need to switch subjects now. I tried to talk to Cassie on Facebook last night, and she fucking ignored me again. I know she talked to Mom, so that's how I know she ignored me. I just don't know what the hell I did now. >_> I even said I was looking forward to seeing her and I love her. I think I understand Jack better than my own sister sometimes, and I hate that. I got kind of mad that she deliberately ignored me and just logged out. I probably would have said something I'd really regret if I didn't just leave right then and there. My point is, I didn't do anything wrong and she's being mean to me. I checked in with Nate and Cory yesterday, and they're both doing all right. As always, Cory told me not to worry about him. I can't help it, I do. I know Mom does too, so I'm trying to help her out by making sure Cory's okay if she doesn't have a chance to go see him and talk to him. I guess I should go, I'm getting a little stressed out again. Thanks for reading, love you guys.
Today's song is "Perfect Weapon" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

R and R ^_^

HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, guys. I'm sorry this has become almost solely a weekend thing now. I didn't mean for it to happen like that. I talked to Jack a little bit last night, he said he and the guys are hard at work on their first "real" album, and it's going to fucking rule. I felt like saying "Of course it is, I've known that since I heard about this band." I have to get to work helping plan this trip to Europe, I'm going to spend my birthday in Austria with my family. My grandma's elated, obviously. The idea that I'm going to be 28 kind of scares me, but seeing how some of my friends (and my brother) who are older than I am act sometimes makes me feel a little better. I really just want chill here for a while and not do much, but that isn't really an option. I need to check in with Cory, he slipped up and started drinking Thursday and I want to make sure he doesn't do it again. I also want to make sure Nate's all right, I worry about him. I can't believe I have a brother who's an alcoholic and a close friend who's a schizophrenic. It's terrible for them, and I'm trying to help but feel powerless to do more than be supportive and loving. Okay, I need to switch to a different subject. I finally got to talk to Cassie again last night, after my little chat with Jack. She was saying how happy she is to be able to celebrate my birthday with me, she thought she was going to miss it. Why did it take her over two weeks to fucking talk to me, then? There's still some shit we have to work out between ourselves, it seems. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks so much for reading, and getting me past the 39,000 pageview mark. I love you guys!!!
Today's song is "Fade to black" by Metallica
BYE!!!!

 

Damn it

HEY!!!!!!!!!

This is how I tend to look while playing XBOX, lol. I just wanted to say I got so see Jack and Mike, and it was awesome. They're two of the happiest guys in the world right now, which is really good to see. I really missed the shit out of them, I hated being away from them. Mom, Mark, and I are going to see Paris, London, and possibly Rome as side trips from Austria when we get there, and Cassie just decided she wants to come with us. >_> The entire 11 days she's been in Paris so far, she hasn't said anything to me, but she's talked to everyone else. I'm just wondering what the hell I did to piss her off now. I think I'm moody, but I've got nothing on her. It just fucking bugs me, because we were doing well before she left and now she's ignoring me. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading, love you guys.
Today's song is "Pens and knives" by Black Veil Brides"

BYE!!!!!
 

YAY!!!

HEY!!!
Good morning, guys. I already got a call this morning from Mike, it's kind of what woke me up. He said "Hey, girl. Just wanted to say hi and let you know we'll be home by noon." I seriously LOVE this guy. ^_^ I can't wait to see Jack again. I'd be lying if I said I weren't a little nervous after not seeing him face to face for months. I haven't really changed in that amount of time, but it's still awkward talking to someone face to face after not getting to see them for so long. I guess I should switch to a different subject now. I got into a bit of an argument with my mom last night, after dropping Mark off at their house. She said I'm irresponsible for letting him play XBOX and watch anime with me, I should really be helping him with his homework. She forgets that he's a lot like Danny and I were as kids, usually breezing through our homework then desperate for something to do. He did have a little trouble with English and Math, but he's been catching up so quickly I don't really need to help him anymore. Now he just needs someone to hang out with, and I'm honored to be that someone at least sometimes. I don't think she gets how sad and lonely both of us get sometimes, and we always manage to cheer each other up with things like that. I wonder quite often how she isn't more sad and lonely, she has even fewer good friends than we do. I guess that's really it for today. Thanks for reading, love you guys.
Today's song is " Bother" by Stone Sour ^_^

BYE!!!!!!!

It's good to be back

Good morning, guys. As you might have guessed, I'm drinking some coffee and enjoying the day before I really have to do anything. I'm very happy to say Jack and the guys will be home tomorrow.  I can't wait to see Jack and Mike again. I've missed the shit out of those guys, it feels like they've been gone for years, not months. It's so unfair to keep my friends away from me like that. Jack said they're going on tour again in March, so I'm kind of glad I won't just be sitting here and missing him. I've been checking in regularly with Cory, to make sure he doesn't slip up and start drinking again. He thinks he'll be fine, but I'm just trying to help him keep up the good streak he's been on. I'm so glad he's finally letting me help, he can quit with the right motivation. I have to believe that, at least. I just don't want him to think he has to do this alone. I hope this all continues to go as well as it has so far. I think I can help him. I at least know I want to help. I'm hanging out with Mark today, in case Jack wants to hang out tomorrow. Ha, there I go budgeting my time again. I'm sure he has a lot of people who want to see him when he gets home, namely his parents. I just really hope he'll at least call or text me. I'm doing well at work, though still fighting this fucking cold. I've had it for a week officially, and have managed to keep it in check. I wish it were gone, though. I'm trying to take it easy, but you can imagine how well that really works. Mark and I are going to play XBOX, using his new Kinect. I have to admit, it's pretty fun. I was having so much fun talking to Sarah yesterday, I love that girl. I'm so glad I met her, Jack, and Mike. They're my inspirations to at least try to go for what I want, because they've done it and succeeded. I wish I had their guts, but it helps just knowing them. I hope they don't think I'm lame for not being more brave. No, they wouldn't think that of me. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading, love guys.
Today's song is "American Idiot" by Green Day

BYE!!!!!  

Good morning!!

HEY!!!

Good morning, guys. I'm feeling a little under the weather right now, I think it's because of how cold it's been here lately. It's just a stuffy nose and slightly sore throat right now, but I really don't want it getting any worse than that. I'm working on another collage right now, strictly of people I know, things I've seen, and places I've been. Of course, I have snapshots of Cassie and myself in Japan, and Jake, Mike, and I after one of their shows. I have the pictures up of Jack and myself making the same goofy faces, too. I love that!! I shouldn't have brought him up, because then I start thinking about how much I miss him. I really shouldn't do that. Things are going great with Cory, we end every conversation we have with an "I love you" now, and it's awesome. I just need an insane amount of reassurance that I'm loved, it's pathetic. I really hope I can convince him to quit drinking. Since the last time he got in trouble, I don't think he's had anything to drink, and hope he hasn't. I just really don't want anything bad to happen to him, even if he does it to himself. It really upset Mom too, and I don't want that for her. She and Cory both deserve better, you know? I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for reading, love you guys.

Today's song is "Capital G" by Nine Inch Nails

BYE!!!!!! 

Happy new year!!!!!

HEY!!!!!!

Sorry I wasn't here this morning to write like usual, but I have a good explanation; I was trying to talk to Mark and Jack at the same time. God, I've missed Jack so much these past few months. I can't stand that he's going to be gone even longer. I try not to think about it, but how can I not? I'm lucky at least Mark is always here for me, and I love him for that more than I can say. I'm happy for the success Jack's having, he deserves it, but I'm going to miss the fucking shit out of him because I want to be with him and can't if he's on tour and recording all the God damn time. I shouldn't dwell on it so much. I'm going to be in Europe for most of the spring, and it's a huge relief. My grandma and aunt are happy to say the least. I'm planning to try to relax and have fun while I'm gone, I need it. At least this way I'll be gone too and maybe Jack will miss me as much as I miss him. Okay, he couldn't possibly miss me as much as I miss him right now. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but he's one of the few people in quite a while who's really made me feel welcome and wanted, and I miss him with all my heart. It's just not the same talking to him on the phone or over Facebook, when I can't see him smile. Okay, enough of this. I need a more upbeat subject. I've gotten really into Naruto Shippuden lately, and for some reason I totally dig Itachi Uchiha, I'm really not quite sure why. I admit, he's kind of pretty and that's got to have something to do with it. I love using the word "dig", by the way; it seems Jack, Cory, and I are the only ones who still use it in conversation. I think that's about it for tonight. Thanks for reading, love you guys.
Today's song is "Bodies" by Drowning Pool

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!