Surprising results.........

Hey!!!!!!!!

I did have to tell my sister she's not studying in Austria, at least not until she gets at least a 23 on her ACT test. I got a 21 on mine, and she got a 19 on hers, so neither of has acceptable scores right now. I wish they'd told her that there was no chance of it happening at all, so that my mom would quit badgering me about it. I guess for now, I'm okay doing what I'm doing, but I'd actually like to work at a day care center. I don't think that sounds like a bad job, and I don't mind taking care of little kids. I did A LOT of baby sitting when my younger siblings were little and had all their little friends over, trust me. My mom has a friend who has some bunnies he wants to get rid of, and she's seriously thinking of keeping them. I can already imagine myself having a totally adorable little pet bunny. That's actually one of the requirements I've come up with on this mental list I have of things that would constitute a damn near perfect life. Here's what I've got.

1. A decent, relatively fun job

2. A nice, clean, pretty place to live

3. Loving family and friends

4. The right guy

5. An adorable pet

I've got a start on this list, but I'm not exactly finished yet. I'm planning to go out to the shopping center that both Jack and Ryan work at, so I'm (hopefully) working on the guy part, and my mom may well have taken care of the adorable pet part for me. Check out the cuteness.

How can you not love this bunny, am I right? I'm really hoping it works out on both the guy and bunny fronts, I would be SO happy if it did. I guess that's really it, I have to go make myself as pretty as possible before I go see either Jack or Ryan. Wish me luck. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relief!!!!

HEY!!!!! I actually feel somewhat better today, I'm not stressed about my sister anymore. It seems they've officially rejected her, and in a way I'm relieved because none of us have to worry about it anymore. I'm not exactly relishing the fact that I'll most likely be the one who has to break the news to her, though. I mean, what do I say? "Hey, Sis; sorry but you're not going to school in Austria." I might say exactly that, actually. It seems to be the gentlest way to say it, all the while being honest. I really hope she doesn't take the news too hard, though. I do love my sister, and I know this is something she really wanted to do. I hope she'll be okay, I want her to be happy. I have a little good news, our Canada trip IS happening, and I'm excited. We should be leaving next Saturday, super early in the morning. For once, I don't mind an early morning. I'm just glad to be doing something different. I went and bought the Paradise Lost dvds I was talking about in my last entry, and there was a super hot new cashier working the register. He looked a little like a slightly younger, shorter, less buff and tattooed version of Davey Havok, and he seemed to be flirting with ME. My middle brother and I had been hanging out, until he had to leave for work, so I was really glad he wasn't there to see me flirting with this guy. It's not that I don't still have hope that Jack likes me, but I haven't seen him in a long time, and I don't know when or if I'll get to see him again. I don't even know that Jack likes me, where as Ryan, as I found out his name is, really seems to like me. I probably made a total moron of myself in front of him, too, I'm afraid. I looked up at him looking something like this.
I guess that's just my normal reaction to an attractive guy, I'm sure that I'll look at Jack the exact same way when/if I get to see him again. It's strange, I almost feel like I'm somehow being unfaithful to Jack by admitting that I like Ryan, too. I feel strange being interested in 2 guys at the same time, too, trust me. I actually kind of know Jack, where as all I know about Ryan is his name and that he this amazingly gorgeous combination of blue eyes and black hair. They're the only guys in a city of about 30,00 that I would date, so it's a toss up between them. I've had the most God awful luck with guys, so I'm still not sure I even have a chance of anything serious happening with either of them. Every guy I've ever felt anything for so far has turned out to be a total loser asshole, and now I'm afraid of doing something else I'll regret later. I have 3 other guys that I know are interested in me, to the point where the seem to turn up at my favorite stores, the library, and even on the bus. I know it's not they're outside my place at night or anything, but it's still TOTALLY CREEPY to be looking for something, or talking to someone, and then they just show up. I don't know many times I have to reiterate that I'm not interested before they understand, but I hope it sinks in VERY soon. I guess that's it for right now, I have to go crush my sister's dream of studying in Austria now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back again............

Hey!!!!!! This is kind of how I looked when I went outside today, it sucks when it rains this hard, and it's so cold. I ABSOLUTELY had no intention of sitting on my ass inside all day though, if I had a choice. I'm still kind of stressed about my sister, she enrolled in a school much closer to her home because she's already decided she probably didn't get accepted into the school in Austria she wanted to go to. It seems I probably wouldn't have gotten in, either. My mom had been kind of badgering me about it for years, and it's more than likely a moot point. Of course, that didn't stop me from beating myself up about it for years. My older brother decided to take in my middle brother's cat for him until he can find a place that will allow him to keep her. ^_^ My older brother may very well be the most awesome person I know. I want to just get away from all this stress, I NEED to. I want to be happy, and not have to worry about something new every day. It's just too much. I really hope I get to see Jack again tomorrow, I haven't seen nearly enough of him lately. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for letting me vent again.
BYE!!!!!!!!

I REALLY need to vent............

Hey!!!!!!!

I'm feeling really, really stressed right now and it's not really even because of anything I did. I always seem to end up dealing with other peoples' problems, and then they become my problems. These people seem to think I'm freaking Wonder Woman or something, since about 90 times out of 100 they come to me with whatever's bothering them. Where does Wonder Woman then go for help, right? My sister's been wanting to study in Austria, where our mom's from, and it doesn't seem to be working out, so she calls me at 11:00 last night, freaking out about it, and expects me to know what to do. All I could do was tell her what mom already told her, that they haven't yet told her they're not going to accept her, and she should try to be patient and calm until we know anything one way or another. Then my brother tells me his apartment manager saw his cat in his apartment and told him he has to get rid of her and he doesn't know of anyone who wants a cat, and doesn't want the cat to be put in a shelter, or worse, put to sleep. The problem with that is, I don't know anyone who lives in a place that allows cats, my landlord sure as hell doesn't, and I don't know of anyone who'd want a cat as spoiled and crazy energetic as my brother's. I'd take the cat if I weren't allergic and it wouldn't totally piss my landlord off. I love that cat too, trust me. I don't know what to do about any of this, yet they somehow expect me to. My sister recently gave up her job and moved about 60 miles away, where her best friend is, and hasn't been able to find another yet. I of course then had to listen to how everyone in the family who's really old enough to work has a job but her, and it sucks, and I didn't know how to make her feel better. When did I become the family shrink, you know? One of my best friends told me years ago that I should be either a psychologist or an author, damn her for being so right. Ironically, I've wanted to be an author since the 6th grade when my teacher read this story I wrote and said it was one of the best he'd ever read, and then my mom and older brother read it and loved it, too. I can see myself being paid to sit and write, while drinking massive amounts of coffee and listening to music. That's my freaking dream job, but I realize that in reality there's very little chance of it actually happening. Sadly, I don't know for sure that our little Canada trip's happening, either. It's snowing (again), and I don't think it's any better up there. This is sort of how I looked going outside today. Only, my expression was nowhere near this serene and happy. It was more like this.

I guess I've vented enough for right now, thanks for listening to me. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another day, another pot of coffee gone........

Hey!!!!!! I'm kind of struggling to stay awake right now, I didn't sleep enough last night. So of course I then ply myself with coffee again, right? I had intended to do a little shopping today, but ended up mostly just looking at stuff I wanted but couldn't really afford. It's tough for me to find stuff that I like that actually looks good on me in my size, and I hate it. I also found some dvds I wanted, but decided against getting, for now. I wanted to get Paradise Lost 1 and 2 , but didn't have the money with me at the moment. This story strikes something of a personal chord with me for obvious reasons, I thought the movies were both really good. I wear all black, I'm a Wiccan, and I'm a Metallica fan, so it makes me wonder what that makes people think of me. All that stuff DOES NOT a bad person make, trust me. It was also really weird being one of the few Manson fans in my school after what happened at Columbine, believe me. I think it's funny though, how in both these cases, so much attention was paid to the kind of music these kids listened to, and how much blame and ridicule were being put on those bands, who had nothing to do with any of it. This music is not evil, it doesn't influence people to do bad things, and it doesn't make the people who listen to it bad people. I'm partially saying this to defend something I've come to love very much, but I'm also saying it because it's true. I always tend to go out of my way to be nice and polite to people who aren't afraid of me or put off by my appearance. I guess that's it for right now BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey!! This is actually as close as I'm going to get in appearance to an anime character, and since Tohru's one of my all time favorite anime or manga characters, it's even better. I love that her eyes are so huge, they make mine look tiny. I feel kind of sick again, so that's why I'm here in front of the computer again. I don't think it's anything serious, just mild nausea and a headache. I'm really hoping it doesn't get any worse, since I will be expected to get up off my ass and do more than type the rest of this week. I talked to my dad for the first time in months yesterday, not really of my own volition. My mom called him, and told him to call me. She thinks it's unfair that everyone in my family but him remembered my birthday, and told him he owes it to me to call and wish his only daughter

a happy birthday. Ididn't really care about it, I knew he'd forget like has almost every other year of my life. I guess that's it for right now, I don't have very much new to talk about just yet. I do have a few songs, though, since I seem to have let that slip the last 2 times I wrote.

1. "Keep Away" by Godsmack, it's just an awesome song, it also distills very well how I feel about most of the world. Plus, it was sung (if not written) by a fellow Wiccan. ^_^

2. "Teenagers" by My Chemical Romance It's just a freaking hilarious song.

3. "Them Bones" by Alice In Chains, One of the best (if most depressing) songs they ever wrote.

SO HAPPY.......again

I'm really happy right now, and it's not just that I got to see Jack again. I saw him yesterday, it was great. He wasn't wearing his glasses, I wonder now if he got to feeling self conscious at all. He wouldn't need to be, trust me. I had such a great birthday after all, my family and friends are some of the most amazing people in the world. My cousin in Austria even remembered my birthday, I was a little surprised by that.No wonder he's my favorite cousin. ^_~ My older brother got me an incredible birthday present, he even knew to get a card with a cute, fluffy white cat on the front. I almost didn't realize that I'm kind of spoiled until I saw all the texts, cards, calls, and facebook messages roll in for my birthday. I've gotten so used to being my older brother's rather spoiled, dotted upon little sister, I just expected the awesome present he got me and the cute card, without worrying that he might be spending too much on stuff for me that I don't really need. I can't tell you how happy it makes me feel though, to see how much all these people care about me, and I want to show them I care for them just as much. I'm really lucky to have people who love me so much. I've got more great news, in less than a month my family and I will be headed up to Canada. We've been talking about doing this for years, and I can't freaking wait. If I can't make it to San Francisco this year, I'm damn well going to Canada. I'm still looking up stuff about San Francisco, because at this time next year, I'll be there. I guess that's all for right now. Thanks for reading. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy birthday to me?

Today's my birthday, and I'm really trying not to be so pathetic as to actually sit around and wait for the happy birthday cards, e-mails, phone calls, and texts to roll in. I realize that everyone in my life has more in their lives than just me, and I have to be understanding of the fact that they're even busier than I am most of the time. I've gotten 2 cards, 1 call, and 1 text so far, and I'm telling myself to be patient. I was really touched by the fact the 1 birthday text I've gotten so far came from my middle brother, it's such a huge change from how our relationship used to be that I can hardly believe it. We used to argue constantly, we could hardly speak without getting into a fight. I actually told him I love him, which is probably something he doesn't hear enough, even though it's always been true. He moved into a new place recently, and our mom and I went to go check out his new apartment and bring him some stuff, and he seems so happy there with his friends and his cat. I love that he has a cat! They're my favorite animals in the world, though I'm pretty allergic to them, and he has one of the cutest cats I've ever seen. I've decided I can't go to San Francisco this year, one of my neighbors had to have knee surgery and kind of needs some help, and it seems I'm the only able-bodied and available neighbor she has, so I couldn't say no. It's pretty sad, this lady's trying to take care of her husband and 2 little dogs, while limping around on cruthes. I'm making plans for next year, though. I couldn't just leave this poor lady, I'm far too nice for my own good some times. I haven't seen Jack since the last time I wrote, I haven't really had the time. I miss him, trust me. I'm hoping to make the time to hang out with him on Monday and Tuesday. It's sad that I actaully have to schedule time to spend time with people I like, isn't it? i guess that's it right now. BYE!!!!